It’s hard for me to write today’s post because it’s a large self admission of failure. And who wants to openly admit they’ve failed?! And failed. And failed. But I feel so compelled to share because if I’m struggling through this, I know others are too.
Today’s devotional in the #nomoreperfectmoms series hit me like a ton of bricks.
Because yesterday was a day.
My toddler has entered the “do it myself” phase. Which, while super exciting and such a huge milestone for her, is literal torture for me.
One of my biggest struggles in motherhood is letting go of my ideal, and allowing my children to lead the way (within safe boundaries of course). As a self admitted Type A/organize obsessed/perfectionist, letting control go and watching others take the reigns can be extremely frustrating. Especially in motherhood.
But this demon is one I’ve vowed to take head on. It’s one of the places within my motherhood journey I’ve seen the most self growth. And yet, it’s still one of my biggest struggles.
So back to yesterday. We struggled. Well really, I struggled. I fought with her when she wanted to squirt her own toothpaste. Put on her own butt cream. Thread her own legs through her pull up, which always end up in the same hole, and she insists they’re on right this way.
And I know, I should be praising her desire for independence. But in reality, when you’re on a time crunch and managing three small kids to get out the door, my mama patience can run a little thin.
But why is that? Who’s to actually blame? My toddler who needs to do it all on her own? Or this mama who knows it’s going to take a bit longer during this phase? Who should have planned extra time, but failed to do so. Who should have put my toddler’s emotional and developmental health in front of my need for perfectionism, and my desire to get us to school on time.
I, with every breath it takes to humbly admit, am typing out that it was me. It was my fault. It was my unrealistic expectations for a growing and learning toddler. It was me, who forgot the really important fact that I am a steward in my home, it is my job to lead us with grace. It is my reactions and moods that set the tone. It is my fault the day was filled emotional disasters.
Not my toddler’s.
Today’s devotional struck all these chords, and then some. And this is my hope to heal these wounds in my heart, to breathe into the universe my hopes and desires to do better next time. To love harder, to extend grace further.
And I’m hoping that if you’ve had these moments, and you’ve clenched your jaw in frustration, holding back the shouts and the anger. Or even if you failed to restrain those verbal frustrations with your kids. You aren’t alone.
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.Proverbs 14:1
All we can do is hope to do better, pray to do better, and surround ourselves with positive inspirations that teach us to do better.
:: Links to some Mama Inspo ::
Devotional Series: #nomoreperfectmoms by YouVersion, click here.
Podcast: Overcoming Perfectionism with Allie Casazza, click here.
Book: Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst, click here. (affiliate link :: This book is one that I’ve read a few times when my emotions and unrealistic expectations get the best of me, and I highly recommend it for mama’s in the same boat! I do receive a small kick back from if purchased through this link.)
Song: Do It Again by Elevation Worship, click here.