This morning in my yoga class, the teacher asked us to inwardly acknowledge why we came to class today. A common practice in yoga. Normally I give myself a generic answer. Because I just can’t get past that surface level vibe until I’m about three downward dogs in. But today was a little different.
Time and Space.
And I repeated it to myself a few times.
I am worthy of time and space.
And man, did that really resonate with me. All the talk last week of self care, mixed with my current reads: Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, and Rest by Thrive Moms, really has me feeling and recognizing that time and space are worth my attention.
I’m going to try not to get too fluffy on this post, and also to keep from rambling. So hang tight.
As a mom, I’m literally swarmed in children from the inside out. Three external limbs I constantly can’t shake (not that I want to). But even in times, like my yoga class, when I give myself space to be free of my extensions, I still can’t turn the mom switch off. Thoughts of how they’re doing constantly pop in and out through my poses.
Then I settle in to Warrior Two, and a swift kick from my internal buddy to my pelvic floor has me peeing my pants and reminded, “hey mama, you still aren’t alone here anyways.”
And I love it. I absolutely love it. I’m in a season right now where I don’t often crave a break. Hopefully I’m not jinxing myself here. But even though I feel stable where I’m at, I’m still deserving of that time and space.
And it extends so far beyond the generic woes of motherhood. I’m often so busy momming that I don’t realize how much my other external relationships drain me. “Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it” (Proverbs 3:27). So often I feel the Christian duty to extend goodness, kindness, faithfulness and the other fruits of the spirit to those around me.
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.proverbs 3:27
But wait, what did that say? “When it is in your power to do it.”
That little subsection I so easily ignore. I’m often failing to recognize when I’m depleted. I’m often failing to recognize when others take advantage of it. Or when they’re not even receptive to it. How much excess am I pouring out that is going spilled and wasted? Excess energy I’m giving to others that could better be poured right into my sweet little family here at home? Or even myself? Because I am deserving of it.
In all this simplifying and minimizing, I’m slowly coming to terms with the reality that I am just one small person. And while one person can make waves, we are only so much. Recognizing when my efforts are wasted is a whole new path of self discovery. And I’m so excited to finally arrive here. Maybe it’s a bit of healthy boundaries finally coming through, or maybe it’s a bit of age and wisdom evolving. Either way, it’s progress.
One thing I know for sure. As an individual, I’m only capable of giving so much. Recognizing that I’m deserving of space and time beyond that is so important.
And I’m also learning this: if others choose to ignore, mock, or manipulate this healthy space and time we create for ourselves, our “boundaries” so to speak. Well. There isn’t really much we can do about that. As long as we put the good out there, when available to us, we are doing all He asks of us. After that, learning to let go, and move on is another amazing power I’m finding.
And I really hope on your path, that you can find this power too.
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